Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
