i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
