I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize