Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
