There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
