I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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