Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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