yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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