my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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