My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
