How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
