So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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