Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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