I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
