Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize