my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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