I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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