I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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