This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
