Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
