I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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