Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
