Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
my sisters under your porch take her home
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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