just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
