doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
