There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
