shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
