This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
