Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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