Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
