there was a trapeze. enough said
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
