what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
