You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Randomize
