I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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