I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
