I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
