I think I just saw someone hide a body.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
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