So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
