Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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