Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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