She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
