Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
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