Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize