I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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