She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I touched a dick in church today
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize