at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
