know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
