she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
In other news, I just burned my penis
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
