We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize