Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
