Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
