Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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