I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
