the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
