I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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