wat bout pragnant strippers??
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
