apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
