I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
