just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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