did you get engaged???
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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