Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
