I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
