accomplished twins. life is a go
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
