:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
