I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
wow bdsm is so cute
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
