People in love make me want to vomit
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
