Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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