I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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