dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I DEMAND FORESKIN
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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