I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
