Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Will you blow on my dice?
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize