i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
