I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
