you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
