I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Randomize