Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
